Saturday, January 10, 2009

Crazy Celebrity Baby Names

These celebrity names are driving me bat sh*t crazy. That Huxtable kid actress just named her baby, Nakoa-Wolf Manakauapo Namakaeha. She just fucked him up for class roll call for the next 20 years. Who can even PRONOUNCE that? You know people are just going to end up calling him Wolf when he gets older, but what if he ends up looking more like a Wombat?
As for Ashlee Simpson and her weasly looking rocker husband, they named their son, Bronx Mowgli Wentz. Mowgli because they both liked, 'The Jungle Book.' Okayyy, we know their home-schooling probably ended at 4th grade. But, just because I liked the show 'What's Happening', didn't mean I named my kid, Re-Run.
I remember watching Gwenyth Paltrow on Oprah, acting so surprised that people were angry she called her baby girl, Apple.
Well, I will tell you why people were angry, because a celebrity names their baby some sort of fruit then some hick in coalminer USA will think that's cute and name her baby another sort of fruit and it spreads from the red states to the blue states and then nobody thinks it's crazy that there is a class full of names like Apple, Mango, Papaya and Kiwi!!
Teachers will be saying to thier children, "Okay, if you have a fruit name then you sit at the blue table, all the animal names sit at the green table, Disney character names at the yellow and all you have porn star names will sit at the black table."
Does anybody see where we are going as a country with these crazy names? GO BACK TO THE CLASSICS! Anything wrong with Henry? What about Gladys? Anyone?
*Whew* Feels Good to Vent.

2 comments:

  1. How about Maverick? Maverick's awesome.

    ReplyDelete
  2. The transparency of celebs ... they strain so hard to come up with unique, hip, fab names that they've finally ventured into totally ridiculousness. Naming a baby is NOT performance art, people!!

    ReplyDelete

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